Why If Your Too Nice A Guy You Won't Get Dream Girl

"Why do nice guys finish last? Why aren't women attracted to us like they are to the bad boys?" Let me cut to the chase and try to help my "kinder, gentler" brethren. To begin with, nice guys divulge too much information far too quickly. They tend to convince themselves that if they don't reveal every single positive quality they possess, they will lose any chance of success with their love interest, when, in reality, the opposite is often true. Smother a woman and she is gone. Leave no mystery and she is gone. Explain, in vivid detail, why every single one of your past relationships has failed and yup, you guessed it, she is gone! Nice guys appear too needy and desperate through their words and actions. They try to take care of a woman's every want, need and desire before that women even knows what they are herself. Nice guys live a very predictable (and somewhat boring) lifestyle and leave very little mystery for women as their life is an "open book." Women view this as a lack of "excitement" in these men's lives and shy away immediately and instinctively. Nice guys tend to place women on a pedestal and give them the impression, "Go ahead and date every other guy on the planet, because when you finally come to your senses I will be right here waiting for you like a welcome mat next to your door." Nice guys turn themselves into a woman's "friend" by spending too much time with her when she wants or needs to "hang out and be with someone" rather than be alone. As human beings, we are rarely attracted or drawn to our "friends" in a romantic or passionate way. Nice guys use the words, "I love you" much too quickly and sometimes inappropriately - such as on a first date. For women, it comes down to a simple premise, if a guy seems too good to be true, he probably is and by the way, if he is THIS amazing, why isn't he taken? Why is he available? In trying to be everything to a woman, men end up projecting a lack of confidence, self-respect, self-esteem. They need to learn that they will not find the right person until they become the right person. Women tend to want what they cannot have, which is why "bad boys" are so intoxicating to them. Bad boys often live a very dangerous, aloof and mysterious lifestyle and rarely place women as a top priority in their lives. Women find themselves competing to be THE ONE to "break the wild horse" and reach a man who up until now has been unreachable by and unavailable to all other women. Bad boys divulge precious little information about themselves and make others, especially women, work extremely hard for any information they dredge up or time they "get" to spend in their presence. Bad boys appear to have "all that they want or need" and thus are never aggressively pursing anyone or anything. They don't need to. What they want or need usually comes looking for them. In fact, the farther away a bad boy runs, the faster women run after them. Womes exclaim, "He just doesn't know that he needs me and that I am the greatest thing that would ever happen to his life," or perhaps "He needs me...he needs someone." What bad boys do have, they feel they deserve, almost as a birthright. They give women the impression, "You are going to have to fight hard for me and put up with a lot of crap and even if you do, I still may not want you in the end." Bad boys may have several attractive, successful, driven women vying for their affection, whereas nice guys seldom receive this same type of attention. Why? Women know they can always return to the nice guy...he will still be there waiting for them after they have exhausted all their options chasing the guys they are not sure they can have. Confidence is so sexy and bad boys exude a calm, cool demeanor that says, "With or without you, I am satisfied with who I am and what I have. I don't need anything or anyone else...ever." The gauntlet has been thrown down! Ultimately, women know they have time to chase the bad boys because the nice guys who adore them aren't going anywhere. They know they can always come back, return that man's affection, and win him over... instantly and again, nothing turns them off more. Nice guys, if women see that you have a complete and exciting and fulfilling life without them, they just might want one with you. I am not suggesting that nice guys become jerks or treat women with disrespect, I am simply offering that after initially letting a woman know of your interest in her, you need to back off and GIVE HER A CHANCE TO MISS YOU! Nice guys are so desperately afraid that if they are out of a woman's presence, they are also out of her mind. Again, in reality, the opposite is almost always true. Try it... or are you just too nice? She may lack the confidence necessary to enter into a more "full time" relationship. She may lack experience or have experienced repeated relationship failure and be hesitant to enter into another one.

Good Parameters for Life Long Relationship

1. Never threaten to leave, and never say the "D" word. Divorce as a threat. It cheapens the union, puts the option on the table for all, and above all, thoughts become things... It was her answer to literally every single problem we had to me. And one day I said OKAY. YES. Couldn't agree on stuff with the kids, "divorce me". I forgot to buy something, "divorce me". You won't let me buy something I want on Amazon, "divorce me". It was literally the answer to everything...and then one day I said "okay, I want a divorce". Wait, what? You're kidding right? Because I never meant that... What I learned is that rule number one is probably the most important rule of all once you've committed to spending your life with someone. Unless you're dealing with actual "deal breakers" then putting the option of divorce on the table should NEVER be said! Marriage is NOT about being in love. It's not about getting butterflies when your spouse walks in the door and giggling uncontrollably at their jokes in public. Marriage is, above all things, about commitment and nothing deteriorates the spirit of commitment more than the constant verbalization of your refusal to acknowledge it. When you say "divorce me" all you're actually saying is "I don't care about our commitment". I learned the hard way that when you threaten to leave, each and every time, you're leaving in a way, even if it's not physically, you're still leaving a little bit at a time, with each threat...and if you're not leaving, they are! 2. Discuss and RESPECT your deal breakers. Every couple goes through unexpected hardships. A deal breaker isn't a curve ball, it's exactly the opposite. It's what your partner tells you ahead of time is an absolute "will not deal with, put up with, handle, work through, work out", etc... Discuss them, know them and respect them! Deal breakers are things that would make you no longer want to "work" on things. Deal breakers make you question commitment. Deal breakers make you want to "break the deal" and bonds of marriage. Do you know your partners deal breakers? 3. Eliminate the urge to completely merge. It sounds sweet at first...to do absolutely everything on the planet together. Those initial feelings where you can't get enough of each other...and you still long for more...and then the honeymoon ends and what was once the most adorable little thing on the planet becomes the most annoying thing in the universe. I believe that one of the things that had kept a marriage so strong is that we have kept our sense of autonomy throughout our relationship. Have a ton of "common/mutual" friends but also have a handful of your own individual friends and friendships that have not been merged. We have a ton of common interests and she's still my favorite person to hang out with, the go out with, to vacation with, to raise kids with, to take a walk in the park with, etc... but we also allow each other the room to be an individual. I like to play tennis, bike, or go out to entertainment functions, she doesn't. She encourages me to find friends that I can go with and go as often as I want. Additionally, I also travel for work on shoots and have since the day we met...the time apart has kept us stronger and most of the couples that we know that have incredible marriages have a degree of "time away". It helps you appreciate the other person, keeps your sanity and maintains your freedom. We have a couple friend that literally eats and breathes together every day all day long and they said once that they can't imagine being away from one another for more than a day. Once separated I discussed it again and she admitted it was only because she thought he would cheat. Listen, if your relationship is SO completely insecure and you're that distrustful of your partner you have a much bigger problem on your hands. I always say don't choke someone with your tight rope, allow them enough rope to choke themselves. Besides, do you really want to know someone was faithful to you just because you forced their hands at loyalty and monogamy? Come on now. Offer your partner some room to be themselves...because I guarantee you that if you are choking them, they will eventually break free to breathe. It is just the truth. 4. Check your anger at the door, it's not a public marriage When I my wife's sister separated from her husband. During their time of separation she yelled out at the dinner table, in front of the entire family, what a pervert he was and told us all about how he liked to dress in women's panties. They separated for about six months but then they got back together, and stayed together for many years...and all I could think about every time after that when I saw him was that underneath those cowboy wranglers he was wearing were pink little ruffles and lace lol She is now divorced and remarried to a boxer briefs kind of guy ; ). Listen, there's a level of intimacy in your marriage that should always remain sacred. There's a level of loyalty that should always remain between you and your spouse, even when things go bad. I get that we all have times of entertaining the concept of a double murder suicide but we should never taint the waters by allowing others into this sacred bond because you didn't marry anyone else and therefore their feelings of the loyalty you should have will not be properly shared. I have no loyalty towards your spouse like you do...and when we share stories, especially when we're angry, they are inaccurate and shrouded by personal emotions that aren't even necessarily true. Therefore I gain an opinion that's not accurate and subsequently offer you advice you shouldn't be taking, which leads you to feeling things that you shouldn't be feeling. Bottom line. Check your anger at the door. There are certain things you should not share with others, even your closest of friends. You didn't marry anyone else...you of all people should be the most loyal to your spouse, even when you're angry! 5. Couples that play together stay together Another one to do right from the beginning. A woman I was so in love with I also loved spending time together with doing things, literally still to this day, years later, can sit around and make each other laugh out loud. We never lost that sense of friendship, closeness and the ability to have fun together. When your relationship starts to take a turn...remember why you married in the first place and go have a little fun, just the two of you. We always make a point to have "alone time" that doesn't necessarily include "adult entertainment"...just fun "us" time! It's always worth it. 6. Have sex, whether you want to or not. Everyone has great sex in the beginning, but then life happens. And those sexy fun nights where you throw the mattress down in front of the fireplace and watch your favorite movies and have wild, awesome, fun, amazing sex that you think would put porn stars to shame turns into reality and life and kids and demands and work and family and stress and "when could you possibly find the time" and besides "it's the last thing on your mind". The rule: do it anyways...even when you don't feel like it. If you notice your sex life is starting to fall apart, put it on the schedule and make it happen! First of all, there's nothing quite as unfair as demanding your spouse be "monogamous" with you and expect them to only have sex with you but then you refuse to ever give it up, put out, say "yes". I'm always amazed by these women that refuse to sleep with their husbands but then act completely victimized when their husbands cheat on them. Your husband was the victim first with your demands of monogamy and then refusal to be his partner in that area in life. But life happens in all relationships. It's not so fun and sexy being physically intimate with someone that just disappointed the shit out of you...but you have to work it out and make it happen! I went from having incredible sex to a definite lull in this department where it was as sporadic as "only on vacation"...and then we talked about why we stopped...and now I will start scheduling it. Scheduling leads to wanting it more, which naturally leads to just getting back in the groove of doing it more consistently. And yes, we will literally say "this Friday is "date night". No kids, we're going to dinner, and then coming home and locking ourselves in our room all night. And that's what we do...and you know what, we have NEVER been disappointed that we scheduled sex lol....make it happen! It also helps to be more open minded in this category. I don't care who you are or to whom you are married, everyone wants a fun, crazy sex life. Be open about sex, talk about it. Have FUN! You shouldn't always want to look each other in the eyes and whisper love poems...BOOOOORING! Throw your spouse for a curve ball. Have the candles lit, bath drawn, and get out the FUN! But remember, if you're not having sex with your spouse, someone else will! 7. THE BUBBLE Initially actually created it for our kid and now adopted it in our marriage. The Bubble is a place you can request to go into and say ANYTHING YOU WANT free of consequence. You're not ALWAYS allowed access into it but once you're in, it's a free for all. There's only ONE RULE in The Bubble and that is that there are NO consequences allowed for anything said in the Bubble! This rule can NEVER be deviated from no matter WHAT or it will ruin the point of it all together. Our kid felt like they had an all-access pass to ask us anything they wanted. We have a very free and open family and discuss everything from sex to racism to life to bigotry to politics, etc...with our kids. But the Bubble was specifically designed so they felt "totally free" to say anything or ask anything they wanted...and trust me, THEY HAVE lol. They have asked everything from "what the 'N' word means" to "certain things they heard about sex in school" to "just wanting to yell a bad word once" to "displaying their honest feelings about something we are doing" to literally ANYTHING. We have such an open family that it's very rare anyone asks to go into the Bubble anymore but it's purpose is still served. It lets us know that he feels like he can come to us for anything while also letting us know that often times these things discussed are "private" and shouldn't be shared publicly. So the Bubble was implemented into our marriage. If she says "I need to say something inside the Bubble" what she is saying is "I need to say something openly and totally honestly that may cause a debate but it has to be said without consequence". The Bubble has actually saved our marriage. If you implement the Bubble for your kids or for your marriage you absolutely CANNOT NOT NOT abuse it. You must adhere to the one and only rule which is you cannot have consequences to anything said inside of it. It's fun! You should try it! 8. Discuss your life goals often and make sure you're both always in alignment! You shouldn't assume you always know the person you go to bed with every night and wake up to every morning. When was the last time you asked your partner what his or her desires are for the future? Where do you truly want to be in five years? What changes would you like to see, if any, in our marriage or our family that we could start working towards? 9. and 10. NEVER take your spouse for granted...because someone else will choose not make that mistake. It sounds simple but it's probably one of the number one reasons people leave marriages. Being taken for granted is exhausting and it kills your spirit. Never forget to say thank you. Never forget to acknowledge the things your spouse does. Even if it seems little. Little things add up. My wife is the cleanest human being on the planet, she literally follows us all around cleaning up after us all and every single morning I wake up to, or always come home to, the cleanest freaking house on the planet. I appreciate it so much I tell her as often as I think of it...I also remind our kid to thank her. No, the house doesn't just clean itself lolol....acknowledge that! From every little detail of every bit of the woman she is that I love and appreciate so much I feel the need to tell her as often as I can think of it. She's amazing. Have I said that yet? Trust me on this one...show a little more gratitude and your spouse will return the favor. She's always reminding me of what a great parent she thinks I am, how lucky she was to have found me and to be raising kids with me...and no matter how many times she's said it, each and every time it just goes straight to my heart strings. People forget to say thank you to the one person you should be thanking the most. Write down the things you are most thankful for your spouse for and make them sit down with you and read them out loud. Eventually the surface of you will become the depth of you and you will both find a common ground of gratitude above all things, this will keep your marriage alive and well though out your days. And don't just do it for yourselves, make your kids apart of the attitude of gratitude as well. I'm telling you it's one of the biggest mistakes you can make in any relationship. We live in a digital world where the reality of life is that the grass always looks greener and more manicured but the reality is, like all marriages, the lawns that look the best are the ones that are tended to the most!

Marriage Can Work

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love. 2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there. 3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her. 4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love. 5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not. 6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love. 7) NEVER BLAME your wife If you get frustrated or angry, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were. 8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion. 9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier. 10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel loved. 11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is. 12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully. 13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid. 14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered.) 15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fear and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes. 16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, and part of that courage is allowing her to love your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be. 17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is for a relationship that isn’t focused on growing. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards. 18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win. 19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. Forgiveness is freedom. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love. 20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure. In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

A Real Relationship

Not every minute comes naturally. Some moments you are off, but it's OK, because you truly do love each other. The person prefers not to accept the worst of you? That must mean that person is human. Maybe that person is a good partner that wants you to be at your best. He would love you when your hair is a mess, and you are in your bathrobe, and have PMS. And you would love him when he hasn't shaved, and he's grouchy. But because you both love each other, it's not about what you love each other in spite of. It's about trying to be your best, and be a great pair. Because you are a couple; and you will grow old this way. When couples mature, and grow out if these insecurities, when they are whole as individuals, they fight without reserve, forgive and love without reserve, and try to be at their best rather than slouching and wanting to be loved anyway.

Falling In Love With Your Best Friend

New Videos Coming Soon!

Friendzone Heartbreak

As a guy whose been put in the friendzone recently I offer some things to consider... Every woman has, at some point in her life, longed for the “perfect relationship.” We have dated loser after loser and yet, we have been keeping the winner on the bench since the dawn of time. He is… the male best friend. As a woman who finally called her male best friend up to the big leagues and turned a friendship into a relationship, I can’t help but wonder, “What the hell took me so long?” Why is it that women keep some guys in the “friend zone,” rather than giving them a chance? After lots of thought, I can’t even think of a logical explanation for the phenomenon. All I could think of were pros which, hopefully, make women rethink that guy they’ve been keeping in the friend zone for so long. 1. He has seen you at some of your lowest moments and has stuck around. Whether you were sobbing uncontrollably over your favorite chick flick, puking in a bush after one too many margaritas, or on your deathbed with the flu, he has seen them all and didn’t run for the hills. Most boyfriends get annoyed when they have to hold your hair back as you puke and will never understand why The Notebook makes you weep like an infant, but your guy friend understands, or at least pretends he does. While he might poke fun at you, he means well, and it’s his way of saying that you guys have a comfortable enough relationship that you can do these things. 2. You can eat around him! This is one of my favorites because, admit it, at the beginning of every relationship a lot of women are too shy to really eat in front of a guy. We order the salad when we really want a greasy burger because we don’t want to look messy and “un-ladylike” around a guy. Meanwhile, your guy friend has seen you eat a pint of ice cream by yourself, or go back for a third helping of pasta and make a complete mess while eating buffalo wings. You have become so comfortable around each other that you don’t care what he thinks about your eating habits. You don’t feel the pressure to impress him because you still haven’t seen him as “boyfriend material.” 3. You can look like a complete slob and they still think you’re beautiful. My current best friend-gone-boyfriend first met me when I was in a baggy t-shirt, basketball shorts, disheveled hair and no make-up and he still told his roommate he thought I was cute. Your guy friend has seen you both dressed up and chilling in your sweats and could not care what you look like either way. Again, you feel comfortable enough around your guy friend that there is no pressure to dress up every time you see him and a relationship will not change his opinions on your looks. 4. No awkward judging phase. At the beginning of every relationship, there is that awkward “getting to know you” phase. This is one of the hardest parts because a lot of us have things we don’t like sharing right off the bat. We’re afraid of the other person judging us. Meanwhile, your guy friend has heard them all and never judged you for a minute because you’re so close and you being able to confide in each other just made the friendship stronger. 5. Every quirk your ex hated about you, he loves. Whether it’s your obnoxious laugh, your inability to make a decision, the fact the volume in your car must always be set to an even number, etc., he might laugh at them, but he loves them. He might not understand them, but you’re one of his best friends and he wouldn’t change them for anything. 6. Everything you complained that your boyfriend or ex didn’t do, he does. We all complain to our guy friend about how our boyfriend never listens to us, shows he cares, or wants to go out. Meanwhile, guy friends do all of those things. Whether we vent to them about a crappy day at work or the fight we had with our parents, they’ve been there to listen. They’ve brought us coffee when we were having a bad day at work or just lent us a shoulder to cry on. They’ve been there and will continue to be there for you no matter what. So there you have it, ladies. Rethink why you’re keeping that guy friend in the friend zone while striking out with loser after loser. At the end of the day, your guy friend will always be there for you and isn’t that what we want out of our relationships anyway? Someone who will always be there for us? Tom Amusing or clever signature quote available upon request. Please allow four to six weeks for delivery. Offer may expire or be withdrawn at any time. Participating locations only.